Day 99

Yesterday was… a day. I woke up exhausted, my emotions got the best of me, I went to bed exhausted. I’ve been helping some friends with their first fireworks tent; I’ve done it several years so I know the ropes. The bad part of this is: I work full time and I REALLY enjoy relaxing when I’m off. So, being up at 4 something am and not getting to bed until after 11pm has made me a little exhausted which translates to cranky, emotional, and eventually the not-so-nice part of me comes out.
Waking up with a swollen knee that aches, is tight, and doesn’t want to cooperate didn’t help. My intention was to walk/bike after my weekly StartingPoint class then go to Crossfit. My knee was aching badly so I decided to just work it in the pool. Did that help? Nope. It made it worse. While I was in the shower after my dip in the pool, I noticed just how much the skin on my legs is sagging. I had to pull the skin up tight to shave my thigh. I cried. I questioned whether or not losing weight is worth having an even uglier naked body. Ironically, a few hours prior to this realization, I’d had an unexpected conversation with my insurance provider who said skin removal surgery is not covered. 

After I composed myself, I drove to a friends home to make us dinner (I took the afternoon off at the tent so I could relax – haha, what was I thinking?). Dinner and conversation was fabulous, once the house keeper and her daughter left an 1.5 hours later!!! So, no relaxing for me. Still got to bed after 11. I woke up this morning with my knee in pain. I’ve been released from physical therapy and the orthopedic surgeon so who do I call?!? I called my PCP who graciously agreed to see me tomorrow. When I’m even more exhausted and emotional. Great. What else? I wore a tank top to work this morning and noticed just how wrinkly and deflated my boobs look. Seriously? I didn’t need that today – or ever. Maybe this is a good time to treat myself to a new bra. 

I emailed my nutritionist about my skin issues and she sent me an article to ponder. Anyone who knows me knows I’m human and left flesh get in the way of seeing His bigger plan. So, as touching and precious as the article below is, I have a difficult time seeing the good in my situation. While composing this post, I walked outside for some air and noticed this little leaf. It’s like He was saying, ‘ I love you even when you don’t know how to love yourself.’ 


    “Oh no, my earth suit is melting!” I tease my granddaughter Abby as she gently pinches the loose skin of my upper arm. That elicits a giggle, and we go on playing. But it’s the truth: My earth suit is melting.

    The way I see it, we first try on our earth suits somewhere around the time our first breath is breathed. Then our suit grows with us until the fit is right. With the proper maintenance, we can use it as a fine-tuned vehicle to carry us through life. We can diligently care for it, or we can abuse it until we reach a place where dragging it around makes our days difficult and the weight of neglect holds us back from the full life we were meant to have.

    Here we all are gathered on this one planet. Spirits wearing earth suits. Some mesh perfectly with society’s formula of perfect: tall, dark, handsome. Small, blonde, blue-eyed .And then there’s the rest of us. All sizes, shapes, nationalities and faiths. Some of us are beautiful; others not so much. I like to think that in God’s eyes we are all beyond gorgeous.

    Herein lies a challenge: to look past the wrappings and recognize all human beings as sisters and brothers in this one human family.

    Someday, when the time is right, I’ll breathe my last breath and leave it all behind, earth suit included. Until that time, I promise to take care of it so that I can be all I was intended to be.

Challenge: make the most of this mysterious earth suit that has been assigned to me. We only get one!

Adapted from Reading by Pam Kidd- Daily Guideposts – August 19, 2013


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