Day 105

Where have I been? In a sleep deprived bad food choice zone. Although I made healthy eating choices 90% of the time, I still ate way too much. Who needs 1500 calories of popcorn… In one day… 5 days in a row. I guess that would be me. The last thing I wanted to do after an 18 hour day was to cook dinner, much less prep for the next day. So, I just ate popcorn. Then on Sunday I finally fell off the wagon and ate pizza and ice cream (and I felt terrible!). Monday started off on the right track, but Sunday’s food debacle made staying off the wagon one more day that much easier. I got ribs from Walmart and ate popcorn until I thought I’d vomit. 
I woke up this morning about 2am. I stayed in bed until my alarm went off at 5, the entire time thinking about how I should be past over eating. Do I tell my nutritionist? Part of me doesn’t want to because she’ll just tell me this is a normal part of getting my life back – but ya know what? Hearing that makes my brain try and justify it. Once off the wagon, why is it so difficult to get back on it and stay on it for any length of time? I honestly feel closer and closer to failure every day when I wake up. Yes, before I’ve even had a chance to eat the wrong things and ruin the progress I’ve made. 
Yesterday afternoon I heard from a friend who said I’m an inspiration. I chuckled and thought, ‘if you only knew.’ My next thought was to confess the past few days of poor choices, but I didn’t. If my facade can help him, why not just let him keep thinking I’m the exception to the rule and have beaten the weigh loss blocking demons in my life? 

Anyway, weigh-in is in a few hours, so I’ve got that to look forward to today. Btw, my home scale says I’ve gained 5+ lbs. Maybe I’ll skip weigh-in and class today – go ahead, Naomi, run away because that’s always helped in the past. 

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