Day 124

Well, it’s back on the wagon day… Again. Every time I’m away from my comfort zone, it gets harder and harder to eat the right things and nearly impossible to eat small portions. I even started vacation mode eating the day before I left town. If I didn’t gain any weight over the past 4 days I’ll be surprised. I will admit that I did enjoy everything I ate! 

It does bother me that it’s so easy for me to just not care. On my drive home yesterday, I made a calculated decision about what to have for dinner. I could have bought a salad and gone home. But, I went to Walmart and bought everything I wanted. And I ate it all. 

I feel like I’m sabotaging myself on purpose. But why? 

On day 58 I’d lost 32lbs. On day 119 I’d lost 48.4. Seeing that I’d lost less than 1/2 in the same amount of time has been discouraging. And I still have over 60lbs to go. Crap! It doesn’t even ‘end’ there. I have to do this the rest of my life. God help me!! 

Then there’s part of me who doesn’t even want to celebrate weight loss. We are trained by media to be excited for people who lose weight. What about all those people who are fit, active, and eat right all the time? Why don’t we celebrate the fact that those people have defied the odds? 

Aside from posting to this blog as a type of journal, I’m done sharing my weigh loss with people besides those closest to me. No one needs to know and probably they don’t care anyway. 


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