Day 126

*deep breath* it’s best to always be truthful about how you feel. Otherwise, your happy-all-the-time perfect life that you advertise will make people think you’re doing great when in fact, you’ve been on a slow and steady decline for quite some time. Then, when you finally give a small glimpse of the truth, everyone freaks out and thinks you’re one step from suicide. The upside to this was a phone call from the Bestie all the way from Brazil. 
Hagos tried to explain to me that we can’t always live on mountian tops. I honestly didn’t get what he was trying to say, but I’m sure there’s a Bible reference to back it up. 

With that said, I gained 4lbs this week. I’m at a complete loss of words to describe how I feel about this. Part of me is disappointed and part of me is relieved. I feel like I’ve let others down more than I’ve let myself down. Maybe that means that I need to have higher expectations of myself? Or that I shouldn’t boast about my accomplishments? I don’t know what the answer is or even if there is an answer. 
Actually, Hagos said something else. We need to have balance. What is that? Being an all or nothing person, balance generally isn’t in my vocabulary. Yup, that’s got to change. Maybe I’ll finally change some bad habits like never putting away my laundry… I’ve been working on that one for years. 


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