Day 148

I have only been to the gym three times in the past 7 weeks. Once to workout, once to shower, and once for physical therapy. I could give you a bunch of excuses, but honestly I am just really upset about my knee. 2 weeks ago I made an appointment with my trainer for this morning. Ugh. Why did I think it would be a good idea to make a 730am appointment on the first day back to my school schedule? Or any day at 730am for that matter. After sleeping in and going to work late several days this week, I had to get up. Yuck. I wanted to cancel, but didn’t because Kelly texted me last night to ask where I’d been (since I told her I’d be back to the gym on Monday). I wasn’t very pleasant this am and told Chris straight up that I didn’t want to be there. He was understanding of my situation since he’s been one of my CrossFit coaches for over a year, he understands what it’s like to go from 100 to zero and feel like nothing less than 100 is even worth the time or effort. He got me set up with an upper body machine circuit, core tabata, and rower/cycle intervals. It’ll really be nice to go to the gym and know what to do now. 
After my appointment with Chris, I got in the pool for Kelly’s water aerobics class. It was good to be back with the ladies! 

I’ve thought about calling the church to talk to someone for many weeks, but always come up with an excuse not to. Well, today, after talking to Hagos, I called. I’m not sure what I’ll say, but I’m sure something will come up. I’ve just felt so low and angry for a while, but refuse to call it depression. I’m functioning better than usual, I think that’s why I hesitated to talk to someone. I did graduate from therapy last August after all! I feel like I should be ‘fine’ or ‘fixed’ or just able to deal on my own. I need to talk to someone who won’t baby me, agree with me, help me make excuses. I’ll update about that on Monday after my appointment. 

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